Lee’s World Update

Hello Readers, I know I have not posted anything for a while and for those of you who read and enjoy my posts I am sorry. A friend mentioned recently that they have missed them and asked me why I have not done one in a while. I had no idea anybody even noticed and motivated me to do one explaining why I haven’t done one. The answer is that I have thankfully been to busy living my life to spend a lot of time analyzing or writing about it. I find I don’t have nearly as much to talk about when things are going good and my friend asked me why I didn’t share that, causing me to ask my self the same question, leading me to the conclusion I should give it a try.

I have been managing my illness quite well you since you heard from me last with the process getting easier as I have learned to better deal with my mental health needs. I have also found that as I get better at something I have struggled with in the past or successfully do something I could not have before my confidence grows. As my confidence has grown I find myself doing better than I did last time and so on, a beautiful reverse of the old cycle of misery and despair I used to feel was my life. I can’t help but laugh at myself as I write this, the fact I have shared such dark thoughts on this blog and still find I’m still a little uncomfortable sharing my positive thoughts and emotions.

I am still writing when I have time, think I am onto what could prove to be my best work too. I am excited and when I have something ready I’ll post a sample for you to check out. I am finding that as I have seen and heard more people talking about their own mental illness I do not really feel the need to do so and have been focusing my energies on good stories and trying to build my nuisance wildlife management business. I can truly say that I am living as mentally and emotionally well as a man with my condition can, making me very proud of all of the hard work I have had to do to get to this point and motivating me to try and take it to the next level.

I would like to make clear before I sign off that I am speaking of a life in balance with focus now and not a manic state prone to come and go. I remain mindful of the fact I am mentally ill but it is an aspect of my life not the sum. I will always be aware of my own shortcomings but I will not make them the focus of my life, time, or energy but I will make improving myself and doing whatever I can to mitigate the effects those flaws have on my life one of my number one priorities. As those of you that know me personally are for the most part aware of I have been through and seen some of the darker, dirtier sides of life and I am both proud of my self and grateful to the people who have helped me along the way to be able to say that I not only survived all that but managed to come out on the other side a better, stronger man.

I hope for my readers who are themselves struggling with mental issues that if a man who even the people who loved one once saw as a lost cause is capable of such a reversal of fortunes than there is hope for you yet. I would caution that it is a painful and difficult process. It will involve taking a hard honest look at yourself and accepting, in some cases even embracing sides of your own make up you do not like. It will take an amount of effort you have probably never put into anything in your life and I warn you will have to want it more in one day than anything you have desired all the days of your life. I will also say that the quality of life you will find even in the struggle will prove to be worth all the pain and self evaluation, or is was for me at least.

To everybody who reads this just because they care about me and what is going on in my life. Thank you, I love you and I am doing better than I have in many years. I would also like to let you know that whether it be your concern, support, or in some cases the lessons, those of you that have continued to believe in me are a huge reason for my turn around and I hope you all feel some sense of pride as I continue to make strides in my life. I find I feel very much like an athlete who receives a personal award but knows in his heart it was a team effort and I feel both humbled and empowered to know how many people out their in the world have a genuine concern for me, again thank you more than I posses the word to say. (Which we all now I suck at talking about my feelings out loud anyway)

I would like to  send a message to anyone who might be reading this because they are one of my doubters, critics, or detractors, kiss my ass and thank you for the motivation. I would like you to know that your hate, envy, and pettiness drives me to evolve beyond your small mindedness. I have come to enjoy your sour, just ate a spoonful of shit, judgment filled looks quite a bit. If you will please continue to be jealous and resentment filled I would appreciate it, still have a lot of work to do and I get tired sometimes. If you could also tell some of your hater friends about me that would be great!

I hope I got something in there for everyone, will try and post something a little more often. If you or someone you love is struggling with mental illness, take the first step and talk to a professional. Thank you for reading!

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