Lights in the Darkness

Dear Readers,

I would first like to take a moment to say thank you to everyone for their words of encouragement and concern regarding my last post. I found my self in a very bad place that day and your comments were like a ray of light in the darkness. I also found that the process of writing that post and getting the negative feelings out was therapeutic for me. I have really been struggling the last few weeks, forcing me to realize that I have to find a more positive way to process and deal with my negative feelings, especially when I cannot put my finger on why I”m even upset.

I feel like I’m just treading water lately a fact that has been frustrating me to no end. I just want to learn how to be a functional human being and no matter how hard I try I seem to come up short. I have spent countless days and hours trying to figure out why I am so damaged and to fix it but seem to always end up back at square one. You would think it would be simple, taking care of oneself being in my own best interest but still I struggle to even accomplish the most basic tasks.

As I have continued to battle my own nature and become comfortable enough to talk about my struggles I have begun to feel that maybe that is why I was given this burden to carry. I know that I want the people I love to understand that I do not mean or want to be a head case and I would imagine most mentally ill people do but none of us wants to be the one to explain it to those same people. Doctors and books can only explain so much I realized, at some point someone on my side of the issue has to be the one step up and share the every day battle of living with mental illness.

As a result I have decided to start posting a weekly journal about how I’m feeling each day. I hope to give my readers a real look at the highs and lows that I experience on a daily sometimes hourly basis. I also hope that this project will help me to track the ups and downs in hopes of finding patterns I may be able to use to better manage my life. I plan on starting today with the plan to publish the first post Sunday.

I will forward to your comments and feedback as I go and once again thank you for reading!

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